PET PEEVE OF THE WEEK
IT’S REAL. IT’S FAKE:
Of course there’s a difference between real and fake, my love. You do like my new diamond ring, do you not? Is it real? Is it fake? Oh please. No no no. We don’t use fake anymore dearie. It’s so bourgeois. Today we use faux. Though I must say I don’t wear faux diamonds. It’s real or nothing for me dahling. But. But but. What’s the difference between real or fake, you ask? Everything is real if you think about it, is it not? Oh please. How else are the elitists going to be able to differentiate themselves from the common people if they aren’t willing to shell out a few more shekels for something they like to call the genuine article? I wouldn’t be seen dead in a faux anything, from jewelry to fur. Unless I was going slumming of course. Imitations are always acceptable when mingling with the lower classes. There are times when one just must pass. It wouldn’t do to put on airs with your lessers. Why make them feel their insignificances? We know who we are. We don’t have to force our ways upon others. They can’t help being what they are, the same way a donkey can’t help it that he’s not a thoroughbred horse. Why, sometimes when I’m mingling with the help, I speak in incorrect grammatical English. It ain’t so, I tell them. I’ll be gol-durned and hot damn girl, and if that ain’t a pisser. I don’t wear the real stuff when I’m around them. I do have some friends who are not up to our class you know. They try of course. They strive to elevate themselves. I wear my faux fur and faux diamonds when I’m with them. I wear my Levi’s at thirty dollars a pair instead of my Valentino’s at nine hundred and ninety dollars a pair. I wear Macy’s instead of Oscar De La Renta. I feel deliciously sleazy when I walk into a cheap store. But we do what we must to make others feel comfortable. I care about my virtual friends. Those whom I met unwillingly during the course of life. But I don’t mind. I do what I have to do. I have no airs. No no no. Nothing fake in my life. Nothing fake about me. I am the real thing. I am genuine. Am I not?