Wednesday, August 12, 2020




Hoo hah. You are going to love this. Imagine you’re elderly. You’re alone. Your mate, your children, your dog, your cat, and your friends have all traveled to other worlds or existences leaving you to fend for yourself as best you can, till and if they return to this one. You have a disease. You don’t know it’s name for sure, not that it matters. Let’s call it the Malaysian Ear Fluggensheim. MEF for short. You have pills you need to take. You have five days worth of medication. If you don’t treat MEF, your mouth will quadruple its saliva output and you will exude enough drool to fill an Olympic size swimming pool. You call the automated number for your drugstore, press the appropriate number to reach the refill department, press in your prescription number, and then press 2 to let the idiot robot know your done. Before you hang up, you are told by a reedy voice that your prescription has expired and your doctor will be notified on the next business day. And so you wait. And you wait. And you wait till 4 days have gone by. You call the drugstore. You ask what’s going on. They tell you they called in the prescription 3 days ago. Maybe you should call your doctor. Which you do. The nurse, after you’ve told her your name, says they never got the prescription. Could she have your date of birth. You give it to her. Aha, she says. She found your prescription. What was the problem? Well, you see, here at the doctor’s office, we never see a refill unless we open your file. So how do you know to open my file when I need a prescription filled, you ask. The nurse tells you she doesn’t know. Duh. You’re going crazy at the idiocy of the medical profession as you watch your pool fill to overflow. Any of you ever wonder why the prescription you called in a week ago has to date not been filled? Now you know.

BONUS FOR THE WEEK. In a moment of utter frustration, I sent this note to some friends the other day. And so today, as a gesture of pure amity, I pass it on to you.

Whilst I sit on my throne, I ponder life's foibles. Is it a terrible thing to grow old? No. It's nature's way. Is it a terrible thing to lose some of the ability of one's youth? No. It's nature's way. Is it bad to lose a bit of one's memory? No. It's nature's way. Is it a bad thing to make notes to help you remember? No. It's nature's way. But shit. When I start forgetting where I placed those reminder notes of mine, well then, ol' nature can kiss my aging ass.

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